I am repeatedly listening to a Hindi song (hymn) while writing this article.
"Kavee pyaseko pani pilaya nahin,
bad amrit pilane se kya phaida?"
(What's the use of providing ambrosia when even the water is not given while thirsty?)
The song (hymn) is highly intriguing. If you have time, please listen to it.
I am repeatedly listening to this song because I have just returned after attending a 13-day mourning of someone dearer to me.
I have a pang of dispassion in me. I am suffering from giddiness, in a sense, I am unconscious. The mind becomes void in two conditions – either when it is running at a high speed or during Samadhi.”
I am back after attending the post-rites of such a person, whom I saw in his social life one day in 2017 and said to him, “I get good vibes and feel confident when I am with a person like you.”
That was the time, when I left the beautiful city of San Francisco and moved to the rough city of Dallas, Texas.
Lamichhane was the former Chairman of Nepali Public Relations Committee, Texas, USA.
I am the person who seeks a little more trust and Lamichhane is the person who could give more trust.
It was my friend Sureshchandra Pokharel who first introduced him to me.
A few days after I moved to Texas, a person from Pokhara, which is my birthplace, committed suicide in Dallas, Texas.
At that time, I was highly impressed to see Krishna’s active involvement in social work which gave me goosebumps. And, probably at that time, I said to him, "Oh yes! What a humane society, I have come to. I always have good vibes and feel confident when I am with a person like you."
I am a person who is scared of death, Lamichhane was the person who could assure of safety even at times of death.
I said to him, “I feel confident due to a person like you,” Lamichhane committed suicide in his own house 13 days ago.
Beautiful wife, with spiritual awareness when seen on the surface, two beautiful inspiring daughters, and a well-set up business and life.
Suicide, despite all these. How can I describe this topic in words?
I was obsessed by Lamichhane’s untimely death throughout the morning. Where can I start from?
Shall I start with vices or virtues? Shall I start with ideals or practices?
Shall I start with society or an individual?
Mostly, people start with vices of the people. My conscience says pain tops the vices. Vices are connected to the brain while pains are connected to feelings (heart). I don’t want to talk about vices at a time of pain.
Faults and causes are not primary to me, but the effects.
Causes could be rectified, but the effects cannot be put right again.
The effect which cannot be put right is the suicide committed by Krishna Lamichhane.
Then, let’s start with the faults.
Whose fault was it?
Was it the fault of demeanor or the feeling?
Was it the fault of the mind or circumstances?
Was it the fault of lust or anger?
Was it greed or infatuation?
A man is nothing more than a puppet against these all phenomena.
Time, circumstance, lust, and anger are those phenomena that control the activities of a human being.
Without delving deep into the real cause, we are simply seeking the vices and virtues of Krishna Lamichhane and his wife on social media.
Someone's suicide is not a matter of fun.
I don’t know why people are making fun of Lamichhane’s suicidal case and taking it so light-heatedly.
I don't care so much about the day-to-day happenings of someone's personal life.
I have learned only two important lessons in life till date- first – no human being is free from guilt, let alone Krishna Lamichhane or his wife Mala.
Second, people cannot be completely ideal. If someone is saying or showing himself to be too idealistic, understand that he is either faking it or his consciousness is flawed.
If anyone has read my book 'Characters', then I have written there - especially the man himself was never so disciplined. No, and will never as much as the state, government, and society expect (page 14).
In terms of basic character, there is not much difference between humans and animals. But we are walking with the weight of the ideals set up by the society, or rather carrying a burden.
We are laden with that burden. We are dead.
Imagine - Bill Clinton, the president of the world's 'super power' country, who has unnatural sex with his secretary in his office, the world finds out. Wife forgives. People forgive. And, again, he becomes the president. If you believe it is possible!
But our Nepali character is peculiar.
We are hypocrites. We are proud. What are we? Why are we? We don't know exactly.
According to the leaked audio, Krishna Lamichhane was caught in the trap of a relationship with a woman from Nepal. Both sex and money were involved.
Astrology
We consider our fate to be determined by an unseen power, God. However, it is a misleading concept. It is determined by nothing but ourselves.
One day audio was released, we said - it is the family's fault, primarily the wife's fault, which led to the death of Lamichhane.
A few days later, another audio became public. We listened to it and concluded that the fault was Lamichhane's.
Yes, some mistakes were made by Lamichhane – moving somewhere, leaving behind his beautiful life science educated wife and inspiring daughters.
Unable to bear the burden of this mistake, Lamichhane committed suicide.
Lamichhane fell in love with a woman in Nepal. He often used to come to meet her. Having known all this, his wife Mala was filled with jealousy and wrath culminating in a situation due to which Lamichhane committed suicide. Whom do I blame?
When I went to Lamichhane's house on the 13th day of mourning, I was asking myself who the guilty was when I saw Mala and her two daughters – Kritika and Ichchha.
My conscience was saying that the fault lies with all of us.
It hurts to lose our people -- either good or bad!
In spite of all these, why those who claim they belong to Nepali society could not intervene in or help? Questions are galore. Why Krishna Lamichhane, who was himself a leader of Non-Resident Nepali Association (NRNA) could not become a leader in his own life?
Many people were inquiring the cause behind Lamichhane's death. I was trying to answer their questions – cause and effects are two different things. I am worried about the effect. Causes can be debated. We keep debating. Causes are the game of the brain while the effects are related to the heart. I can guarantee that Nepali society on average is not able to understand this.
The thinking of the average Nepali society is double-faced and superficial. I have no hesitation in saying this.
Who is this society for? There is no clear answer about what and why I am doing this.
This society sometimes plays with reason, sometimes with emotion. This society does not know the difference between reason and emotion.
All I have to say is, please, don't impose the burden of ideals because of which someone will not be able to face the mistakes resulted in by anger, greed and infatuation in his ordinary life.
On the evening of the 13th day mourning, I was talking about Lamichhane's suicide with a professor of philosophy.
I told the professor that (we) human beings are not ethical as we often claim to be. There is a difference between humans and animals from the perspective of nature. I have nothing more to say now. While winding up this article, I would like to give a clue to the Nepali media, whether it is a honeytrap.
I have heard that there are women in Nepal who are actively engaged in setting a honeytrap against over 30 affluent Nepali people living in America. These have become issues. As a journalist, I am well aware of its consequences. Dig out if you can. Suicide is not the subject of a joke.
